Entry One:
What do you do when life gets you down? Take comfort in future hopes and aspirations and the friends that are always by your side? But what if that’s not enough? What then? How do you make hurt and sorrow go away? Right now I feel flat. Flat and lost. Everything I had ever hoped for is now dead. Powerful words? Maybe. But true ones. Everything I wanted and had worked towards disappeared in a blink of an eye. No warning. No preparation. Just the cold, hard fact and an unpleasant goodbye. So what now? I pick up my life and move on, right? But what if I don’t know how? My life is different – forever changed. Who I was before is neither who I am now nor someone I can ever be again. So who am I? I wish someone could tell me because right now I have no clue. I don’t know what I want or need. All I know is that I want what I can’t have. I want to go back to before things changed and make things right before they went wrong. I want to take back every hurtful word ever spoken and mend each broken heart. Most of all I want to stop hurting in the now. I wish, more than anything, that I could just forget. Forget and let go. But why would I want that? Each painful event makes us grow and learn. And we can take that new knowledge into another potentially painful event where we learn even more. So forgetting is not the answer. Maybe it’s just letting go. But why does it have to be so difficult? When you hold on to something for so long and invest your entire being into it, how do you walk away? How are you supposed to go on living a life when you don’t know how to live in this new and terrifying world? I wish there were an answer to that question. I know it takes time and effort. But time takes far too long.
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