The Pens of Life

Pens.  They are my nemesis!  My job surrounds paperwork and it all has to be done in black or blue ink (black preferred).  I never knew pens would be so very hard to come by until I started working at this place.  It is impossible to find a pen that works and the second you do you hear the Hallelujah Chorus.  Of course, the next second the pen disappears before your eyes and you find yourself once again alone and desolate.  I've tried buying my own pens.  I hoard them greedily.  But even those get lost every time I turn around.  I find myself watching jealously as I see others with good pens in hand.  I feel like a predator waiting for my chance to pounce the second their guard is let down.  I think longingly of the days in school when I would only use pencil so I could erase constantly...pencils are always available.  And red pens.  My other best friend when I'm editing papers.  But alas, neither is allowed.  Instead, I'm stuck with the off-casts.  The ones that work part of the time, but refuse to write certain words or certain letters in words.  They will write everything around, but apparently they have something in common with the geeky kids in school that are always picked last: allergies.  Did you know that some pens have allergies to various letters, words, and phrases?  And there is no cure.  It's become an epidemic.  Honestly, I feel bad for them.  I'd hate to be rejected time and time again for my lack of ability to meet my most basic function in life, finally to be tossed in the trash like some common piece of garbage, forgotten and slimy for ever more.  Ah, pens...one of the most overlooked luxuries of life...