17 Miracles

Sometimes the most precious gifts are the ones we see as trials.  I just watched one of the saddest movies I’ve seen in a while.  17 Miracles is about one band of pioneers as they journeyed to the Utah Valley.  They travelled later in the season than they should have and so encountered winter conditions.  They starved, froze, and collapsed.  Infants, children, the young and strong, the old and frail alike.  As I watched, I could not understand how the trek could have been worth it.  Why did they just not wait until they could take a train the entire way?  Or why could they not just stay where they were and honor their faith from home?  My mom pointed out that it was never about the destination.  Everyone has their own trials and hardships to face in this life.  Everyone must suffer in their own way.  Life was not meant to be easy.  Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to the purest of pure.  Usually the right decisions are the hardest to make.  The easy path never leads to true happiness.  It wasn’t meant to.  These pioneers had such strong faith that they were willing to give their all.  They wanted to reach God’s Promised Land.  Their devotion to the Lord was so strong that they were willing to die for what they believed was right…and more than that, they watched their children suffer and die.  I don’t believe they started the journey believing it would be so difficult or that their loved ones might not make it.  But even in the darkest of moments, they never grumbled.  They did not turn their backs on God because of their hardships.  They did not allow their hearts to be filled with bitterness as they lay their sweet babies to rest.  They kept on going.  Their faith endured.  I cannot imagine the pain and suffering.  I cannot imagine the strength of character and heart.  It is with awe that I think of them.  I am truly grateful to have been blessed with trials of a different nature.   When I think of the times that I have grown resentful of the lack of money, opportunity, and monetary things I have, I cringe in shame.  When I think of my anger and frustration at the hardships I have faced and still face, I know I must remember why I am on this journey.  Like the pioneers, my path has a purpose.  It was not meant to be easy.  My load will never be light.  But it is with a reason that I travel it.  My destination is Celestial Glory.  My purpose is to walk in the light of Christ and become like him.  My mission is to share this message with all that I can.  Every time I confront an obstacle or setback, I must remember these things and understand that it is there to help strengthen me and test my faith.  As I have heard it said: perspective is everything.

Merry Christmas Eve

I spent today trying to resign myself to the fact that I would have to work tomorrow.  Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday.  I go nuts.  Truly nuts.  Not to mention it’s my sweet angel’s first Christmas.  I was so disappointed that I could not get anyone to cover my shift for me.  Everyone who wanted to work the holiday was already scheduled.  No one else would even consider it.  Today I spent the whole day trying to come to terms with it.  I thought about how nice it would be to see my patients with their families (which I never get to see).  They’re all sad to be in the hospital for Christmas so tomorrow will be a hard day for them….I think it would be rewarding to do what I can to ease that.  I even tried to think of fun activities we could do.  Unfortunately, none of that worked.  All I could think about was how much I want to be home with my little girl.  I want to cuddle her all day and sing her Christmas songs.  I want to dress her up in all her Christmas dresses (I couldn’t choose…) and take lots and lots of pictures!  The bad thing about working in a 24/7 industry is the necessity of working holidays you’d rather be celebrating with family.  And then to my surprise I got my Christmas Wish!  Someone decided they wanted my shift!  I still can’t believe my awesome luck.  I am so very thankful for all the wonderful people I work with.  They make my job enjoyable and they are all so very supportive.  If I was so unhappy about the possibility of working tomorrow, I can’t imagine how hard it is for the patients.  I’m sorry that I can’t make it easier for them.  It’s always important for me to put my life in perspective, especially in comparison to those who are truly suffering.  I am so very blessed.  Life hasn’t been easy.  I’ve had challenges, struggles, and hardships.  Everyone does.  But I’ve never had to want for anything.  I’ve always had a roof over my head and food somewhere in the house.  I’ve always had wonderful family and friends.  I have an amazing mother who makes sacrifices time and time again for the benefit of her children.  I have the best sister I could imagine.  I have a loving brother with the biggest heart.  I have the sweetest, most beautiful child in the world.  I’m educated and have a job.  I have everything I need.  It may never be easy, but I know I will always make it through.  This Christmas I just want to be thankful.  Merry Christmas Eve!

Oh Holy Night

I love Christmas carols.  I sing them all year long.  It drives my family and friends nuts, but I just can't get enough.  I absolutely adore this time of year because I get to hear the music all the time.  I remember one year for Christmas my sister and I wanted to do something special for my dad so we made a tape recording of us singing a bunch of Christmas songs.  I especially remember doing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  My sister let me add in the extra lines, my favorite part of the song.  I don't know why, but the last line "You'll go down in history (like George Washington!)" always managed to crack me up.  Over the last few years, I've come to love “Oh Holy Night” the most.  It is the most inspiring song I know.  There are so many days when it’s easy to feel worthless.  It’s hard to remember that we can recover from our mistakes.  That our sins can be forgiven.  Our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally.  Although I don’t know anyone who would feel worthy to stand in the Lord’s presence, it is by his love and grace that we can remember what we are worth.  Tomorrow is always a new day…with no mistakes in it.  Every day is another chance to repent and try our best.  Knowing how merciful Heavenly Father is, it’s hard not to fall on your knees in gratitude and praise.  The night our Savior was born was a glorious night, indeed.  The fact that he chose to be born into a life of sorrow and suffering with the knowledge that he would have to make the ultimate sacrifice is absolutely amazing.  He loves us each that much.  It’s a comfort to know that no matter what we feel and suffer, what challenges we face, we are not alone.  He has experienced every disappointment, every pain, every sadness, every everything.  Whenever we feel like no one can ever understand where we’re coming from, he can because he’s felt it.  He knows us each better than we know ourselves, yet he still loves us.  He was born on that man might be saved.  It’s as Mary said in The Nativity Story, “He is for all mankind.”  Oh night divine.

Ventings of a Working Mom

I despise not staying home with my baby.  I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  I thought is sounded terrible when I was growing up.  But the closer I got to motherhood the more important it seemed.  And now I grieve for it.  How could I not want to absorb every smile, snort, and spit up?  When we're home together the world is right.  Instead, I have to wake her up at the crack of dawn, drag her into the cold, and leave her for another person to take care of along with all the other kids she watches.  She doesn't get that special one-on-one attention only I can provide.  She has become a business arrangement.  What could possibly be worse?  Everyone said that it would get better, or at least more bearable.  But the older she gets, the cuter she gets, the more she can express herself, it just gets harder.  What if I miss her first word?  Her first crawl?  Her first steps?  My heart aches for her when she's asleep in her crib in the other room...even when she's asleep in my arms.  I don't know how I keep surviving every working day miles away from her.  I adore her laughs and smiles when I walk through the door.  They make my heart sing.  But I would like nothing more than to be able to experience those laughs and smiles, along with the cries and the tantrums, all day long.  Don't get me wrong...I love my job.  I really do.  Well, most days....  I love being able to help people and make a difference in their lives.  I love my co-workers.  I work with the best people ever.  Unfortunately, none of that can compare to the little leech I have at home.  She is the best employer I can imagine.  And the paycheck...pure love.  Why would anyone want to be paid anything else?

The Pens of Life

Pens.  They are my nemesis!  My job surrounds paperwork and it all has to be done in black or blue ink (black preferred).  I never knew pens would be so very hard to come by until I started working at this place.  It is impossible to find a pen that works and the second you do you hear the Hallelujah Chorus.  Of course, the next second the pen disappears before your eyes and you find yourself once again alone and desolate.  I've tried buying my own pens.  I hoard them greedily.  But even those get lost every time I turn around.  I find myself watching jealously as I see others with good pens in hand.  I feel like a predator waiting for my chance to pounce the second their guard is let down.  I think longingly of the days in school when I would only use pencil so I could erase constantly...pencils are always available.  And red pens.  My other best friend when I'm editing papers.  But alas, neither is allowed.  Instead, I'm stuck with the off-casts.  The ones that work part of the time, but refuse to write certain words or certain letters in words.  They will write everything around, but apparently they have something in common with the geeky kids in school that are always picked last: allergies.  Did you know that some pens have allergies to various letters, words, and phrases?  And there is no cure.  It's become an epidemic.  Honestly, I feel bad for them.  I'd hate to be rejected time and time again for my lack of ability to meet my most basic function in life, finally to be tossed in the trash like some common piece of garbage, forgotten and slimy for ever more.  Ah, pens...one of the most overlooked luxuries of life...

The Meaning of Christmas

One thing I hate: stores during the Holiday season.  I finished my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving (thankfully), but still have every day things to get.  It is impossible!  There's even a traffic jam into the parking lot.  Then finding a space is another adventure.  Maneuvering through the crowds, trying to find items that have been picked clean, and even trying to find a store associate to assist you become things of fancy.  Today I walked into to Walmart (after waiting for ten minutes just to park) for a bath mat for my baby's tub (she just out grew the insert and the tub is too slippery for her little butt).  It took me 20 minutes!  That mission should only have take 5.  I'm not one for crowds or public places anyway, so you can imagine the good mood it put me in.  Oh, the next fun game was trying to get OUT of the parking lot.  That took even longer than getting in.  What saddens me the most about all of this is the pure commercialism of the Season.  I loved getting presents for Christmas.  I had great Christmases as a kid.  I really did.  But at the end of the day, it was just more junk to get bored with after a few weeks and forget about.  The best part of Christmas, in my opinion is giving, not receiving.  I like to make others happy.  I like to help those who cannot help themselves.  Christmas is really about remembering and honoring our Savior and part of doing that is trying to be more like him.  It is in serving others, not in being greedy or teaching our children to be greedy.  Of course I want to make Christmas a special time for my daughter.  But in it all, I want her to understand.  Through her excitement in opening her presents on Christmas morning, I want her to learn to find even more joy in giving to others.  That’s my Christmas wish.

To Begin...

Have you ever examined your life and determined that everything is perfect?  Yeah, me neither.  There will always be something to complain about or find fault with.  There will always be challenges that lie ahead, things to learn, experiences to be had.  Life is never finished being lived, even when it is over.  Time, in all its rapid movements, never seems to allow anyone the chance to catch up.  It is an ever-flowing river running into the ocean of foreverness.  Sometimes it's hard to focus on what you do have.  Instead, we are always looking to the future.  Tomorrow may be another day, but today is all you'll ever have to work with.  It may always be wanting in something, but if you don't appreciate it for what it is, you'll miss it.  Every moment is worth savoring if only for the fact that you'll never have it again.  My name is Lisa and I am grateful for this moment.  My daughter is sleeping, my nephew is running amuck, my Christmas decorations are lighting up the room, and I can't imagine an anything else I'd rather be doing than expressing my gratitude for everything I've been given today.