Guns, Guns, Guns...

There are so many things in this world that don't have a solution.  They tried to outlaw alcohol so along came speak-easies.  Marijuana is now heading toward the direction of completely legal as a result of the wide spread use, despite the fact that it's against the law.  And now we have guns.  I am no believer in drugs, alcohol, or violence, in this case guns.  I loathe all three.  I think the world would be a better place if they did not exist.  But they do.  And now we have an uncertain time ahead of us. 

With tragic shootings reminding us the power guns have and the devastation they can cause, the controversial argument of whether guns should be allowed on the streets or not has being everywhere.  I have heard suspicions that this recent movie theater shooting was a government setup just in time for a UN vote on stripping the public of guns.  In doing so, they believe our society will be a safer place. 

Whether or not the shooting was an organic idea in a sick man's head or a government conspiracy really makes no difference in my mind.  It happened and it was horrible.  If was a setup, that's a scary prospect but there is nothing that I can do about it.  I do, however, have troubled feelings over this UN vote.  As we saw in the examples above, outlawing things the public desires does not make it less prevalent.  In fact, it probably makes it more so.  There's a rebellious aspect to it, as well as a human characteristic of meeting one's own wants and needs first.

But guns have the power to take a life with little effort.  Most people believe the best way to fight gunfire is with gunfire.  And if you tell the American public that they are not allowed to have the deadly weapons, you cause a large public feeling of being threatened.  How are we supposed to defend ourselves against the lawbreakers?  And most terrifying of all, how are we supposed to defend ourselves against the government who is supposed to be protecting us?

There are too many examples throughout history of a country's governmental system turning against its people.  When selfish and evil intentions gain power, there is no telling what may happen.  The American government was setup with a system of checks and balances to ensure the power was containable.  That system is no longer effective.  The American people have lost all control over what happens to our country, our laws, or even our own assets.  Media have been completely corrupted.  There are so many lies and partial truths being told that it is impossible to know what's true anymore.  Trust is a thing of the past.

Now, if you take such a turbulent group of people who already feel powerless and in danger and strip them of one of the few tools that helps to give a sense of security, what do you think will happen?  Like I said before: I am against guns, violence, hate, selfishness, the whole gambit.  I don't know if the government is as bad as they say.  But really, it doesn't matter what I think.  I won't be the one pointing a gun at another person.

One Year Down, A Lifetime To Go

Today my daughter is one year old.  I can't believe it was just a year ago that I was laying alone in a hospital bed, too tired to live and in too much pain to function, but still determined to continually take that loooong (or so it seemed) journey down the hallway, down the elevator to the NICU to visit the helpless little pile of sticks they kept calling my daughter. 

My labor had lasted for 22 hours.  By the time I got any sleep after giving birth I had been awake for well over 24 hours.  And when I did sleep, it was short and disturbed.  It was such a terrifying time.  I didn't know how I was supposed to live one second to the next in so much pain.  This was during AND after my labor!  I was so alone and too tired to care.  I was overwhelmed and lost.  Suddenly I was plunged into this new world and I had no time to adjust before it was time to go home. 

Most women get to spend their hospital stay WITH their new baby.  They get to change the baby's diaper and cuddle the warm little body in the middle of the night.  They get to feed the baby whenever they want to.  They get to make all the calls.  And they rarely are alone.  But my experience was different.  My baby needed to be on oxygen for the first day and was hooked up to IVs and antibiotics for the rest of our stay due to the possibility of an infection in her lungs, which luckily turned out to be negative.  On top of this, I had broken my tail bone during labor.  And to add insult to injury, they had no rooms available so I was assigned to the overflow on a completely different floor of the hospital.  Plus, I was a single mom and no one was able/willing to stay with me throughout my entire stay.  I had family and close friends visit, of course, and my sister and my mom were good at being there as much as they could, but, much of the time, I was alone.  Even from my baby.  Out of the three days I was in the hospital I spent only a few hours holding my child.  I never changed her and I had the hardest time in the world nursing her (a challenge that would take several months for me to overcome).  When I carried her car seat into the house after discharge she was still a stranger.  I loved her dearly.  She was so small and so beautiful.  I was filled with pride every time I looked at her.  But still, I hadn't really had the chance to get to know her at all.  When my mom went back to work after that first week I really thought my life was over.  I was terrified.  I was overwhelmed.  I was sooooo tired.  But no matter how impossible it seemed, I had no choice but to keep going.  And now, it has been 366 days and I can't even recognize the zombie sitting on the couch staring blankly at the new baby sleeping in her bassinet.

It's so amazing to see how my little girl has grown from that tiny, helpless little creature who had no ability to do anything and no knowledge of the world into this big, independent, smart little person I see walking on two feet and pretending to talk on my phone.  But what's even more amazing, although far less obvious to see, is the transformation I've gone through.  My entire life revolves around this two-foot person and I absolutely love it.  All the things I thought I wanted in my previous life are they desires of another person.  I would be perfectly content to never again do anything besides watch her play and cuddle her.  I enjoy teaching her and helping her to develop.  I'm miserable when we're away from each other.  I miss her terribly when she's in the next room sleeping.  My life is now tied to her.  Every breath I take, every beat of my heart is for her benefit and hers alone.  In one year I have become a true mother and in one year she has become an individual.

So, today, on her first birthday, she ends her life as a baby, but begins her life as a toddler.  Happy birthday, my Love.  And may this next year be even greater than the first.

Almost A Year....

Today my daughter is 51 weeks old.  She has been on this Earth for 361 days.  That's 8,684 hours.  She has already lived for 31,263,458 seconds.  And in less than a week she will turn a year old.  One whole year has come and gone already.  That means one year ago today I was sitting on this same couch, with a belly the size of the moon, wondering if the baby inside me would make an appearance on her due date.  I thought it was pretty clever that she was due on 7/11/11.  She, however, needed a few more days until she was ready to exist outside of me.  It's funny, our bodies are no longer physically tied together, but I still feel it.  I feel as if we're one person.  Only whole when we have each other.  And all that has happened in a single year.  She has grown from a tiny 7lb little wrinkled bundle of sticks, incapable of doing anything besides cry, suck, and poop, into an amazing, smart, beautiful little person with an entire spectrum of talents and preferences just beginning to emerge.  And I have grown from a girl stagnating in life, bored out of her mind with no idea of which direction to go, into a mother so enamored with her baby that every previous idea of I wanted isn't even comparable to what it is now.  Watching her as she's learning to walk alone is such an amazing experience.  And heart-wrenching at the same time.  It means that she really is growing up.  She won't be this small baby needing me for every part of her life for very much longer.  Today she learns to walk and tomorrow she'll be ready to move out on her own.  Moving away from home might be when the child leaves the nest, but learning to walk on her own is the process of her growing the necessary wings.  It feels me with tears of joy and tears of sadness both at the same time.  In one year my life has changed so dramatically and I have loved every second of it.  It terrifies me that time will keep on moving.  I'm reminded of the saying: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  How can it possibly get better than this? 

Rantings on Second-hand Smoke.

For my first post after taking a walk down memory lane, I need to vent.  I am so exhausted of the blatant disregard so many people seem to have for the well-being of others.  I fully agree that each person is free to make their own decisions and live their lives however they so choose, but it's bad enough when you make unhealthy choices for yourself.  It is completely ridiculous that society has become so passive about the negative consequences of those decisions spreading to others.  This is most easily demonstrated with smokers.  Yes, there are some smokers who are very conscientious and try their best to remain respectful, but the vast majority don't even think twice about the action of lighting up.  Cigarette smoke is one thing that passersby cannot avoid.  It contaminates the air all around.  When I walk into the store with my daughter, I can't NOT walk by all the smokers out front.  When we go for a walk, I can't NOT avoid the person all the way at the end of the block, even if I cross the street.  When I get out of my car and the person parked next to me is smoking away, yes that affects me, too.  When we open our windows to let in the fresh summer air and instead we get billows of cigarette smoke, we end up having to forgo the beautiful night.  What you are free to do on your own property should NOT have an adverse effect on your neighbors.  I love how you can report a noise violation when the college kids next door are having a party at midnight, but you can't report a violation of the air you breathe.  But there's more to this idea than cigarette smoke (or marijuana, etc).  Impaired judgement when your under the influence of ANY substance is just as bad.  And those people I've heard state their suicidal thoughts of walking into traffic or jumping off a bridge onto the highway never stop to consider the lives they would endanger in doing so.  The human species has become so very selfish and entitled.  It's frustrating to see a world where almost everyone you hear of consistently puts their wants and needs ahead of all others.  I certainly don't expect a utopian society of selfless individuals.  But a little more consideration in the world would mean all the difference to the safety and well-being of out world, and most dearly to me, my daughter.

Back in the Day Take Fourteen: 2/19/2009

Oh my goodness I found this old email between one of my bestest buds and me filed away and I laughed so hard.  Oh the good old days of being bored to death at work.  It's a good thing I don't have time to be bored anymore!  Or is it....?  (newest on top)

Dear Sneezy,

If I do get to take classes I'm totally not excited for them, lol.  I'll be taking a Computer Applications course and a Technical Writing course.  I won't get to the good stuff until the next term.

OMG, we need to vacation!!!  I would be down to go to Mexico as a cheap alternative!  We could apply our scuba certification there!  I really want to go to Mazatlan!

Love,

Snow White

 

Dear King of the J,

They’re crossed!  It would be so good for you to get back in school!

Oh gosh I want to say yes to both!  I need to start applying to those jobs you sent me so I can make more money.  This $10/hr crap ain’t cutting it.  My answer: I don’t know.  I want to!  I shouldn’t.  But I want to!

You have to make me have fun tonight.  I need it.

Love,

Sneezy

Dear G w/ E,

She might, but only for two classes.  Cross your fingers! 

I really want to go.  Want to go to Ireland with me?  I have this guy Mick there that I talk with on the regular.  He's near Dublin, so he'd show me the ropes.  But if you go he'd better not like you or I'll cry.  You're just so hot!  : )

Would you possibly go to Mexico if I went there instead?

Love,

Lynzi the Lion

  

Dear Nancy,

Oh is your mom gonna finance it?  Gee that’s soon!  (I  think I like the cock one better).  Two classes in better than none, so I say go for it!

Hmm…well, I guess that’s something to look into.  Seriously?!  I hate you.  I wish I was brave enough to travel to another country all alone.  It’s cool you have friends all over the world now!  I want those.

Love,

Green With Envy

Dear You,

I might start next week if I can convince my Mom.  The clock is ticking (I originally typed the cock is ticking...lol).  We'll see!  I'll only take two classes though.

I thought the job started much earlier.  I thought they needed people to start right away!  Now I'm not sure.  If it doesn't start soon I may just look for part-time employment elsewhere.  I want to travel!  (Oh, and I am a bad influence, but now we're just pointing out the obvious.)  If I do go this summer I may very well be going alone since I assume you won't go, and I know Rachel won't.  I think it would be neat traveling in a foreign country alone though.  Besides, I do have a few friends there nowadays.  Some I met while they were vacationing in Sydney, and some I've met online.

Love,

Idealistic, Nonsensical Nancy

Dear Lynzi,

I think Arapahoe is really good at night classes.  When are you looking to start?

OK!  I won’t say no to reading a good book.  Never!  (Never say no, I mean)

Doesn’t the Census job start next year?  Ireland!  Dude!  Stop being a bad influence!  My credit card is through the roof already!

No, I don’t know how much it is, but it’s something we really should look into!

Love,

Me

Dear Kira,

Well, I'd get my Associate Degree and then transfer for my Bachelor's, but it really all depends on how many classes I take a term.  We'll see.  The biggest problem will be finding classes that fit in my schedule and still allow me to work full-time.

I know!  We totally never did that.  I still think you should read my book first though since you never got to read it.  You'll love it!

So, I'm thinking that if I get this Census Bureau job I may try to save enough money to go on a trip this summer as well.  I really want to go to Ireland, and for some reason it's been calling me lately.  I think about going ALL THE TIME.  If I did that I'd hit two more countries in one year!  Woo hoo!  If not I could always go to Mexico.  : )

Do you know how much it is to get Scuba certified?  If you do want to go to Bali we should definitely do that before then.

Love,

Tired of Looking-up Movie Starlets

  

Dear Betty,

I know I’m so excited!  How long are the programs you’re looking into?  Depending on what you want to do with them, I don’t think it should take you THAT long!  I think the most important part about interior design and/or wedding planning is intuition (which you already have) and learning the business.  I don’t think you really need to go through years of education to succeed at either field.

At least you admit to your cruelty.  I like that.

Oh I forgot!  Weren’t we supposed to start reading all the books we read in high school?  Man that was forever ago that we decided that and then never started!  Silly girls are we.

You know what else we forgot?  Scuba diving!  I still want to.

Love,

Kira the Gelfling

Dear Cathy,

I can't believe you're graduating!  It's going to be a century before I'm done with school.  You're going to leave me in the dust.  You'll graduate and get some high paying job and I'll be alone with miles of years of school ahead.

Awful and cruel?  Me?  Alright, I agree.

I'm so jealous you'll get to read!  I really want to read The Odyssey again!  You know what you should put on your list ahead of those other books?  The Once and Future King!  I swear you'll love it!

Love,

Betty Grable

Dear Little Bow Wow,

Yes!  It does make sense! OMG I’m gonna be an aunt!  I don’t know when, but it’s gonna happen.

Because you’re awful mean and cruel?  Don’t you know that?

“Tell me something good! (bow bow) Tell me that you like me, yeah…!”  Aww I love Chaka Kahn.

OK So I can’t wait to graduate so I can READ!  First on my list are Crime and Punishment, East of Eden, and Girl with a Pearl Earring.  YAY!

Love,

Cathy Ames

 

Dear Soviet Union,

I don't know what my issue is...I'm tired and anxious at the same time.  Does that make sense?  Probably not.  Can I please be dismissed now?

Why would I make you bowl with a heavy ball?

Tell me something good!

Love,

Clara Bow

Dear Lizzie,

You are the biggest dork I know!  Ha ha you can’t seem to send a message all in one today, huh?

True, they did sing their parts and they sang them well!  I love musicals.  I want to have a musical marathon.

Ow ow!  You have to make me use a light ball, though OK?  Bowling tends to really hurt my wrists.

I’m tired, too!  I stayed up much too late because of My Fair Lady.  Grr!

Love,

Sofia (Sonya) Semyonova Marmeladova

Shoot! 

Love,

Elizabeth Taylor

  

Dear Vivien,

You can’t be the same person I was!  Ha ha, yes I got that before.  I just meant that she looks like Mellie.  I looked her up on IMDB and I’m so right!  She was!  Don’t you remember her?

You grow up seeing these women performing and you assume that it’s really THEM!  It’s awful.

Sure, I’ll come tonight.  Remember I’m following you?  I realized why I have to go home after work.  I have to pick up my pills!

Love,

Melanie Hamilton

Dear ____________,

No, she's not from Gone With the Wind.  Didn't you get my gone with the wind thing before?  You signed as Scarlett O'Hara and I addressed you as Vivien Leigh? 

That's dreadful.  I'd believe it about Audrey, she wasn't much of a singer, and I'd even believe it for Natalie Wood, but Deborah Kerr?  She could sing darn it!  Ugh.

Does that mean you're coming tonight?  It's at the Brunswick next to Park Meadows. 

Love,

Vivien Leigh

OH I see now!  Love ya Olivia! (Is she from Gone With the Wind?)

Dear Miss Disappointed,

OMG!  No!  I refuse to believe it.  That can't be right...that man is a big, fat liar!  I need hardcore evidence.  Give me a document proving it and whomever actually sang it!

How are you this fine morning?  Feeling better?

Love,

Olivia De Havilland

P.S.  I got a little ahead of myself and sent my email before I was done, lol.

Dear Ally,

My life is over!  I came home to find my mom watching My Fair Lady on TMC.  At the end when that old guy talked about the film, he stripped away my belief system.  Not only was Audrey’s singing dubbed in My Fair Lady, but so was Natalie Wood’s in West Side Story AND Deborah Kerr’s in the King and I!  How dare they build me up just to make me come crashing down again.

Sadly,

Disappointed

Dear Vivien Leigh,

You'll think of one someday.  I'm sure I could think of a ton more as well if I tried!

Don't leave!  Well, I guess you can just start a new conversation tomorrow! 

Bye!

Love,

June Allyson

 Dear Barbie,

I will totally do that.  I wish I had a message to tell my boyfriends, but I can think of none!

I will try to look into it.  School’s keeping me pretty busy at the moment though so I’m hardly ever online except at work and I don’t think they’d like me getting onto Netflixs.

Ah!  Now that you say that I do recognize them!  Yay!  I know people!

I’ll be leaving soon so if I don’t answer you, that’s why!

Love,

Scarlett O’Hara

Death Cathy,

Yes, please keep all my boyfriends informed from now on that things such as surprises must never catch me off guard in the sense that I always have to look fabulous whilst surprised.  : )

Hmmm...no, I said Rachel had the trailer.  You should look into it and tell me what you find!

Deborah Kerr is from The King and I, and Donna Reed is from It's a Wonderful Life.  See?  You totally know these people, although you may not know the next one.  I picked two people I thought you'd know on purpose! 

Love,

Barbara Bel Geddes

Dear Lovely Lana,

Aww that means it has even more sentimental value for you!  OK we’ll be good and considerate and loyal!

Ha ha I love you.  You make me giggle in the most delightful way.  Well, I’ll be sure to inform Mister Perfect this before he pops the Q.

I don’t know.  Didn’t you say Rachel had it?  Do you have Netflix?  I don’t.

Oh!  No, I don’t know either!

Love,

Catherine Earnshaw

 

Dear Little Woman,

No stealing, I agree whole-heatedly!  I would never forgive you for stealing Aubree, especially since that's what my Mom was going to name my little sister before she miscarried. 

I'm too controlling for surprises.  They really do anger me most of the time.  I hope he understand what he could be getting himself into.  The only time I want to be surprised is with a marriage proposal, and whomever it is had better make sure I somehow know I need to look like a million dollars that day and have a camera close by.

How do we even go about getting this movie?

You never answered me about Deborah Kerr, and do you know who Donna Reed is? 

Love,

Lana Turner

  

Dear Big D,

Ahh!  No stealing names from each other OK?  My sister’s friend still hasn’t forgiven her for stealing Lorenzo.  I love Aubree Rose!  So pretty.  For a boy…I have generic names that I always have liked.  Ryan, Kyle, and Jessie.  Those have always been my three boys names and they probably always will be!

Ha ha I still like them.  They involve no decision making on my part!

Let’s do it!  Ha ha I really am curious to know if we’re even in it at all!

Love,

Josephine March

P.S. This time I said to download the external content.  We’ll see how this one works!

Dear M.D.,

I like that too!  Ahhh!  What about for a boy?  I only have one name for a boy...Lysander.  I don't know I'd spell it though.  How about you?  I'm really fond of Aubree as of late.  I think I'd do Aubree Rose.  What do you think? 

Ha ha, see?  Surprises blow!

You're so right.  We would watch the movie, die of embarrassment, and then buy every other copy and burn it so no one else can ever see it again.  How's that?  Lol.

Love,

Donna Reed

P.S. You don't know who Deborah Kerr is?  I thought you'd get her for sure!

Dear Ms Kerr,

I don’t know…I’ve recently decided I love the name Eden.  The only one of your I’m not crazy about it Madeline.  I like the other ones!

I remember when James intended a picnic.  Then his family ate the food…

I can see it’s bright I love it!  I just wish my office wasn’t always so cold!

I do!  Just to see…but I don’t want anyone else to see it!  I say we find it, watch it, never tell a soul, and then not mention it again.

Love,

Marianne Dashwood

Dear Jane,

Ah, I don't think it's so bad.  It's unique!  Lol.  Speaking of names, what are your top four names for a little girl.  Mine are Aubree, Adelaide, Madeline, and Odette. 

The date is Wednesday night.  I'm just crossing my fingers he doesn't try a picnic or any cooking since I'm so picky. 

It's windy again, but it's a bright and shiny, relatively warm day.

No!  I don't want to see it though; I know I'll be embarrassed to death.

Love,

Deborah Kerr

 

Dear Greer,

Gosh I’d hate to have the name Greer!

Have you ever seen, read, or heard of Anne of Green Gables?  All your Anne with an e’s reminded me of her.

Ha ha that’s a good plan!  When is this date?

Is it?  I haven’t been out since 7:45.

Hey did you ever figure out how to see that movie we were extras in?

Love,

Jane Eyre

Dear Anne,

Who is Anne Shirley?  You stumped me.

I feel badly though because he's insisting that it's going to be so fantastic.  I think I'll just leave it be, and if it goes badly I'll say "I told you so" and it will be my excuse to not go on a third date.  : )

They haven't, no ma'm.  That's why we have to strike while the iron is hot!

It's so nice out!  I hate, hate, HATE being inside.

Love,

Greer Garson

Dear Anne,

I do remember!  I do!

I love surprises!  Their my favorite.  Then why don’t you tell him you refuse to go on a date if it’s a surprise.  Un say yes.  I’m sure it’ll at least make him tell you.

They haven’t announced it publicly yet?

Love,

Anne (with an e) Shirley

Dear Miss You Wish You Were Mrs. Kent,

It's from that Anberlin song that drives me so crazy because "conversate" isn't a word.  Remember?

I know, I know, I know...but now it's too late.  On top of that, whatever we're doing on the date is a surprise.  I hate surprises.  Loathe them entirely.  I can only think of twice I've enjoyed surprises.  One was Valentine's Day with Bill, which was only OK because we'd been together so long.  The other was my going away party, which that even irritated me because 1) I had to uninvite you to Tanner's performance and 2) I didn't know so I looked like shitake!  Ugh.  He doesn't understand, and I can't make him understand.  They almost always irritate me tens time more than make me happy.  I hate the unknown, and I hate being caught off guard. 

I haven't applied yet, but we really need to call this week.  Do it on a break today or tomorrow.  Once they announce it publicly there will be massive competition, so we want to snag a job before that happens. 

Love,

Anne Miller

Dear Ms Weld,

That reference seems familiar, but it’s not coming.  What is it to?

Dang it!  I swear crooked pictures have been haunting me lately!

I told you, you can’t force yourself!  I just went through this, love, so I totally get it.  You’ll be psycho and there’s no way out!

Oh I keep forgetting about applying for jobs.  I’ve been so busy lately!  Did you apply?

Love,

Lois Lane

Dear Holly Goleightly, Sabrina, and/or Princess Ann,

I thought you might know her.  I'm just putting the first ones that come to my head.  There will be more obvious ones soon, I'm sure of it. 

That was a irrelevant, but good for conversation sake since I seem to be lacking the ability to conversate (lol) today.  (Did you get that reference? No, I'm not crazy like you.  : ) 

I'm really the crazy one.  I think I may be the most ambivalent person in the world as of late.  Earlier I was feeling really ambitious, like dating would be a good idea.  I told CJ yes on a second date and felt very confident that I wanted to go, and as soon as I got in my car to go to lunch I started thinking about Chris and actually cried.  I'm a bit psycho I think, just a bit.  OK, a lot psycho.

Did you decide whether or not you wanted to apply for the Census Bureau job?

Love,

Tuesday Weld

P.S.  My Dad says hello.  "You say yes, I say no.  You say why?  I say I don't know.  You say goodbye, I say hello."  : )

Dear Grace,

You finally picked a name I knew!  I felt like a nerd.  The desks here have glass tops and they moved my desk and the glass was kind of off so we were trying to fix it.  When it was finally stable my boss told me to jump on it (kidding, of course).  I was going to ask him if he’d ever seen Sabrina, but he stopped listening…I don’t know how that’s relevant, but hey.

I took Airborne yesterday.  Today I’m taking Zicam.  We’ll see.

New topic…let us discuss the nature of crooked pictures.  When’s the last time you saw one and can you resist the urge to fix it?  Even if it’s in a restaurant or somewhere like that?

Love,

Audrey Hepburn

Dear Vanilla,

He and I are messaging right now.  I told him I'd go on one more date next week.  Let's hope for the best!

You'll feel fine!  I hope you took some Airborne as soon as you started feeling sick!  If we go to a Brunswick house I may have some free games, we'll see though.  I'll text her and see.

Let's find a new topic of interest.  Any ideas?

Love,

Grace Kelly

Dear Anne Baxter,

Yes this is weird I must admit.  Yes, I did get the photo.  She’s adorable!

Well, boys suck anyway so who cares?  I remember when Scott told all the guys at school he and I did stuff and we totally never even had so much as a peck.  They’re dreamers!

I wouldn’t mind going, but I won’t know how well I’ll feel until tomorrow comes.  I hope I feel well enough!  I’d very much like to not be sick.  OK, well if she tells you where she’s going let me know.  Bowling can be expensive…If I do go maybe I’ll just follow you.

Love,

Vanilla Sugar

Dear Miss Smith,
Hmmm...that's weird.  Did you get the photo?  I had to attach it for some reason.  It does weird things when I receive the email as junk mail. 
I asked CJ about Zach and what he said, and he said that was weird because he hasn't talked to Zach about me.  He said exactly what I said; that he's not even really friends with him.  I wonder where that came from.  Obviously it had to come from him in some way.  IDK.
You should come, at least for the bowling anyway!  You never go out, quit being so lame!  This is the one time you can come out without it being a club or bar and you don't know if you'll want to come?  Quit it!  I have no idea how much it costs though because she hasn't even told me where we're going yet.  I would tell you to drive there with me, but I'm staying the night and it seems like you won't want to stay.  If you do want to you can drive with me though!
Love,
Anne Baxter



P.S.  If you haven't seen All About Eve you definitely need to see it!  Anne Baxter plays Eve and does a bang up job.  Bette Davis is the other main character, and Marilyn Monroe plays a small role in what was one of her first movies.  It's one of my favorites. 

Back in the Day Take Thirteen: 4/17/2012

This is the beginning of a story I started writing while bored at work one day.  It was the venting of my frustration with boyfriends of mine refusing to stop drinking.  Of course now I've learned that I can't hope for men to change...I have to find ones that share my values, etc.  Good realization!

It was raining outside.  Isaac was resting his head against the window watching each drop that hit the glass slide down and out of sight.  He’d been sitting like that for an hour unable to move, hardly daring to breathe.  Just watching.  And waiting.  Waiting for the news he dreaded.  Hoping against hope that she would be alright.  That she would live.

“Isaac!”  He jumped with a start as her family came rushing in.  First her sister, followed by her mother and brother. 

“Any news?”  The sister asked.

He shook his head. 

He watched them as they filled up the seats surrounding the waiting room.  Why were they all here and she was not?  Why did it have to be her the drunk driver hit?  He closed his eyes and silently swore for the millionth time he would never have another drink again.

“How did it happen?”  The shaky voice of her mother broke through his thoughts.

He didn’t want to talk about it.  But as he opened his eyes and saw three desperate faces staring back at him he gave in with a sigh.

“She was just leaving my house.  We said goodbye.  She got in her car.  Backed out of the driveway.  But her car was making funny noises so she pulled over again in front of the neighbor's house.  I was walking over to check it out when suddenly there was a truck crashing toward her.  He slammed into her door.”  He stopped.  Why her?

“Then what happened?”

“Then…then it’s really hard to remember.  There was a lot of noise and people running around.  I was in a daze I guess…”  One thing he did remember was the sight of her lifeless body, covered in blood as they pulled her from the car.  It was forever burned into his mind.  Even if he could bring himself to say it out loud he didn’t think he ought to mention that, though.

They waited in silence.  He closed his eyes again.  He felt so alone.  Of course he’d always been alone, really.  Sure he’d had friends.  But no one that ever really cared about him.  No one but her.  And his dad of course.  But his dad had moved out of state.  The rest of his family dispersed as well.  She was all he had.  All he wanted. 

He couldn’t help but see the irony of the situation.  How many times had she told him that nothing good could come from alcohol?  He’d ignored her.  He had always loved the feeling of a good buzz.  The numbness that comes with it.  The freedom.  The stress would just melt off when he cracked open a beer after a hard day.  And she would shake her head and roll her eyes.  She didn’t like it, but she loved him anyway.  He’d always laughed at her.  How could she judge something she’d never tried?  He’d had some of the best times of his life as a result of the stuff.  And now he’d trade it all if she would just live.