What it Means to Me to be Mormon

Sometimes when a person I know finds out I am a Mormon, I get some interesting reactions.  Many people of the world have no idea or totally false ideas of what it means to be part of the Mormon faith.  Here are a few points, as told from my perspective, to try and clear up some of that confusion:

1.  Our religion is not called Mormonism.  Actually, our religion is called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or LDS.  The name "Mormon" comes from our book of scripture that is unique to our religion, The Book of Mormon.  Most members of the Church have embraced this name.  But when you hear Mormon, LDS, Saints, Latter Day Saints...they all mean the same thing.

2.  We are Christian.  While we hold a book of scripture unique to our Church, The Book of Mormon, we still believe and hold the Bible as sacred holy scripture.  We believe Jesus Christ is our Lord, Savior, and Redeemer and, in fact, our entire religion is based on that fact.  The Book of Mormon itself it known to be a second testimony of Christ.  This makes us Christian.

3.  We are not racist, bigots, homophobic, or anything else of that nature.  Our Gospel preaches love and acceptance of all others, especially those who are different from us (individually and collectively).  Yes, you may meet some judgmental and not so nice Mormons, just like you meet judgment and not so nice people from every group.  The people in our Church are not perfect, but our Gospel is.  And those who strive their best to follow it will treat all people with love and respect.

4.  Acceptance is not the same as condoning.  While out Gospel teaches acceptance of all others, this does not mean that we condone the actions and decisions of others that do not hold with our values and standards.  We believe in agency.  Every person born into this world has the right and the responsibility to choose for themselves what they will believe and do and how they will choose to live their lives.  We respect that.  And we do not pass judgment.  But we will not support or condone that which is contrary to our beliefs.  This tends to be a difficult principle to understand for those who are not very familiar with us.

5.  Our meetings and gatherings are public and we invite to come anyone who wishes to.  But we do have a few sacred meetings and gatherings that are only available to those who are members of our Church and are currently their lives in ways which qualify them to be there.  This includes our temples.  You will find that we do not discuss much of what occurs there, not because we wish to mystify it, but because it is considered sacred and we hold it dear. 

6.   We do not expect perfection.  But we do strive toward it.  Some people may take this idea more seriously than others.  And some will drive themselves crazy expecting of themselves and others more than is possible.  But, again, that is because our Church is populated by imperfect people.  One of the cool things about our Church is that we promote and provide opportunities for constant personal development, in youth as well as adulthood.

7.  We may not drink, smoke, use foul language, participate in impure media or activities, shop or do other fun and "worldly" things on Sundays, dress immodestly, drink coffee, or have sex outside of lawful marriage, but you will find it hard to find a happier bunch of people.  And that is because we have found that happiness is better created by abiding by the principles of the Gospel than by any other means.  So while we do not participate in many activities thought to be "normal", we are beyond thankful for the blessings we receive because of the things we choose to do.  This may set us apart from the world (very, very far apart in some cases....), but we usually do not care because of the wonderful things we get to experience as a result.

8.  Women are very highly valued and honored and, along with men, hold leadership positions as well.  While we believe that men and women are equal, we also believe that they are different and hold different roles, which is illustrated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, written by our Church Authority.  Starting with young childhood and continuing throughout life, members of both genders are given opportunities to take leadership roles, practice public speaking, provide fellowship, and serve the Church and other people.  There are entire programs in our Church run solely by women.  Our men are taught to love, respect, and provide protection for women, eventually serving them well as husbands and fathers.  In fact, we believe that the highest level of salvation can only be obtained by a husband and wife together.  Even in the world we usually maintain separate gender roles.  Traditionally, fathers support the family while mothers raise and nurture the children.  But often in today's world there are many families who cannot financially swing that dynamic anymore.  And in any case, no matter what the roles may be, husband and wife, man and women stand on equal footing.  Dr. Valerie Hudson Cassler has a wonderful article about this subject, entitled I am a Mormon Because I am a Feminist, which can be found here.

9.  Our Church is run entirely by volunteer work.  None of our authority are paid.  From the teachers who watch over the children to the President and Prophet of the entire Church, members give their time and effort voluntarily in what we term "service" and filling what we term "callings".  Yes, members are expected to pay tithing, a minimum of 10% of their financial increase, but that money is put into the building up and maintaining of the organization as a whole and does not contribute to the support of any person.

10.  We believe in forever families and forever marriages.  It's the most beautiful concept, really.  How can Heaven really be Heaven if you don't have those you love the most with you, connected to you for eternity?  Who wants a marriage that lasts for life when you can have one that lasts forever?  And how can you fathom existing for eternity without your dear children with you?  The love and families we form are created to be strong, withstand challenges and hardships, and maintain through time and all eternity.  Death is never the end of a relationship with another human.  Like I said...it's beautiful.  Wonderful.  And something I cannot survive this life without knowing.

11.  We believe in what we term the Thirteen Articles of Faith, which outline the basic beliefs of our religion.  Everything from knowing that God is our Father in Heaven to being subject to governmental reign to being honest, true, chase, benevolent, virtuous, and doing good in all things and everything in between.

12.  As the Piano Guys say on their website, "We believe the purpose of life is to be happy.  We believe the best way to be happy is to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and to love others more than yourself.  We believe family is most important.  We believe we are all children of a God who loves us dearly...."  Our beliefs provide the foundation for which we live our lives.  They are our anchor.  They give us conviction.  And they are unyielding in the face of societal ebb and flow.  But they are our own and we hold them dear.

So that, in a very small nutshell, is what I think you should know about the Mormon, or Latter Day Saint, faith.  So next time you meet a Mormon and get the feeling there is something a little different about them, now you know there is and you know why.

P.S. For more information, check out mormon.org.

Undateable

You know how there are some girls who walk into a party scene and, every time, will inevitably be hit on?  Usually by multiple men, who happen to be the more interesting and attractive men in the room, nonetheless.  And then there are the friends of those girls.  The ones who only get the pity or second choice dances.  The purse/phone holders of the world.  The permanent wall flowers whose unspoken job develops into that of wing woman.  That’s me.  I’m always the “and this is my friend, Lisa” part of the conversation that no guy really cares about.  OK, sometimes a guy will pay me some special attention.  But when that happens, it’s by the odd fellows I would rather avoid.

Over the years the kinds of party scenes I occasionally attend have changed drastically, as have the company I keep.  But the dynamics have remained the same.  And I have no idea why.  Is it my friends?  Do I just happen to choose the tall, beautiful companions that I can’t begin to compare to?  Or is it me?  Is it the way I dress?  My uncontrollable head of hair?  Do I smell?  Do I make too much eye contact?  Not enough eye contact?  Is there something about the way I carry myself that makes me unapproachable?  I don’t know the answer.  But it is clear that I am invisible.  Always.  And that’s a really lonely place to be.

The worst part is that with each passing year, my chances of meeting someone and starting a family plummet.  I count my blessings, believe me I do.  But there is always that nagging thought in the back of my head that it is just not happening for me.  I’m nearly 30 and I’m a never married, single mother of a 5 year old.  I work full time and I am in grad school.  My life is busy so meeting men is hard and it seems just as difficult to meet men online these days as well.  When I do put myself into social situations, I am reminded of my talent of invisibility.

The funny thing is that nearly all men I’ve been with in my life, I had to throw myself at to be noticed.  Obviously, those relationships did not work out successfully.  Usually their interest dwindled after so long.  And now that I am older, I am afraid that kind of behavior would reek of desperation, which is even less attractive.  

So what’s a girl to do?  I guess if I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be writing this post.  Alas, here I am.  So world, won’t you tell me?